


a little more close to me

by quarendered



Category: Disco Elysium (Video Game)
Genre: Humor, M/M, POV Second Person, Post-Canon, all about the best laid plans etc etc, this is a 5+1 fic to be clear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24955132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quarendered/pseuds/quarendered
Summary: ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - Except everything has changed, because you realized a few weeks ago that you want Kim to blow your mind. If you know what I mean.You do, unfortunately, know.
Relationships: Harry Du Bois/Kim Kitsuragi
Comments: 20
Kudos: 147





	a little more close to me

**Author's Note:**

> aka five times Harry tries and fails to ask Kim out and the one time that doesn't matter
> 
> i normally stick to art, but this game made me want to write something! so then i ended up banging almost 12k words worth of content?? title is from the classic song 'so hot you're hurting my feelings'.

**[ONE]**

Summer comes to Jamrock all at once. The oppressive humidity and sweltering heat of early June has rolled over the city and resigned the cool days of spring to fond, distant memory. The streets shimmer, hazy with it, and no one in their right mind is out at midday. Needless to say, it sucks. Unfortunately, you’re already a naturally sweaty person but this weather has pushed it to new, miserable levels.

“Kim,” you whine, dramatically wilting against the wall of the garage, “I think I hate summer.”

“Hm, well. I would also hate to rediscover the particulars of city summers.” The lieutenant glances up from where he is fiddling with something under the Coupris Kineema’s hood. His eyes land on your face. “And sunburn.” 

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - He’s kind enough to not directly call attention to the increasingly lobster-like shade of your face. But there was definitely a wince of sympathy.

Right, you need to remember to get sunscreen. You’re reacquainting yourself with all sorts of things lately. 

Kim leans back towards the Kineema’s engine compartment, and you’re left to contemplate the many horrors of summer. You and the lieutenant have situated yourself in the station’s garage for the time being—officially, you’re here to work on some minor repairs for the Kineema. Well, Kim is. You jumped on the chance to escape an overworked and overheated Officer Vicquemare while you still could. Who knew the heat could make him _worse?_

But it is nice to hang with Kim like this, you think, watching the man poke and prod at his vehicle. He’s capable. And smart. And funny, in an understated way. Also, you’re just nosy— you’ll take any chance you get to learn about the lieutenant’s interests. (It just so happens that many of those interests involve his beloved Kineema.) He looks cool when he concentrates, his mind focused on solving these little mechanical puzzles. Actually, everything Kim does looks cool.

INTERFACING - He moves with the confidence of a longtime hobby mechanic. Working on his carriage is a stress reliever. 

“Detective,” Kim says, pulling you out of your thoughts. “On the wall near you- can you bring me a plug socket from the cabinet?” 

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Failure] - A what?

INTERFACING [Challenging: Failure] - You, however, are _not_ a longtime mechanic.

“Sure, yeah. No problem,” you say, waving your hand in a manner that you hope projects confidence rather than confusion. You stride over to the tool cabinet and inspect it with a critical eye, making some authoritative _hmms_ and _ahs_ to cover up the fact you have no clue what you’re looking for. After a minute of this, Kim pokes his head back out to observe your standoff with the cabinet. 

“You have no idea what I’m asking for, do you,” he states with thinly veiled amusement. 

INTERFACING [Medium: Success] - It is definitely connected to wrenches. 

“It involves a wrench,” you say, and then fail to elaborate. 

“Well, yes.” Kim’s lips quirk upwards slightly. He wipes his gloved hands with a rag and makes his way towards you. “I apologize, I should have realized you might not know specific sockets.” He reaches past you to grab a small metal tool, his chest briefly brushing against your shoulder, but the moment of contact is gone before you can process it. 

Kim holds up the socket for you to get a better look. You squint. In your opinion, it looks exactly the same as everything else in the case. 

You trail after Kim as he walks back to the Kineema, curious to see what he’s working on.

“Sorry, I guess I’m not a very useful assistant here,” you admit, a little glum. You like it when you can help Kim instead of the other way around. 

“It’s fine,” Kim says, and offers you a small but genuine smile. It makes you smile back, feeling warm. “It’s still good to have company while I work.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Challenging: Success] - Only certain company, he thinks. 

You blink away the thought and watch as the lieutenant reaches back into the depths of the engine compartment. His movements are confident and precise as he disconnects some kind of wiring, eyes narrowed in concentration.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Easy: Success] - An artist at work.

“Hey—if I’m here as company, does that mean you’ll answer some questions? Conversational style,” you say, throwing in a finger gun for good measure.

Kim hums, noncommittal. “Sure, if it’s about cars. I am still not telling you ‘what my sign is’.” (You’re still not sure what a ‘sign’ is yourself, exactly, but the teens love to talk about it so it has to be cool.)

You stay there like that for a while, asking Kim why he’s doing this or that, and he replies using terms you only half-recognize like ‘high tension leads’ and ‘the magnesium manifold’ and ‘servomechanism’. It’s comfortable, even when you lapse into silence. The heat is still stifling and the garage smells of oil and sweat but the moment itself—it’s nice. You let your eyes and mind wander as you watch Kim work, half-formed thoughts slipping in and out of your brain before you can really dwell on them. 

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - Sweat trickles down his neck, making his white tank top stick to his back. On his forehead there’s a grease stain from when he wiped at it absentmindedly, and his face is flushed from the heat. You can see the lean muscle of his arms clearly, tensing as he twists the wrench. 

You blink rapidly, suddenly aware you’ve been staring at Kim for the past three minutes. Kim doesn’t notice, still absorbed in his work.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - He looks _good_ like this. All dressed down, sweaty …

Huh? Where did _that_ thought come from? You very quickly fix your eyes on the ceiling, which is very boring and more importantly not your attractive best friend. Wait, is he attractive? Who said that—me? You’re starting to feel hotter than you already were.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - No, look back!! We’re having a _revelation_ here, Harry-boy! 

VOLITION [Medium: Success] - Is now really the time? We are technically on the clock.

LOGIC [Easy: Failure] - There’s no better time than now. 

Your eyes flicker back to Kim, then back to the ceiling, then to your shoes, then back to Kim. You’re not sure exactly what this revelation is, but from your sweaty palms and increased heart rate, you’re wondering if it involves heatstroke. 

ENDURANCE [Easy: Success] - You’re not having a heatstroke. You actually remembered to drink water within the past hour.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Challenging: Success] - No, you want to _party._ With Kim.

Party? You swallow. Like with cake and balloons? You’re not actually sure when the lieutenant’s birthday is. 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Party, boogie, get down, any number of euphemisms. Who cares! The important thing is, you want the lieutenant to push you up against the wall and b—

“WHAT??” you yelp. Kim startles, his head shooting up to look at you—but it meets the hood of the Kineema with a painful sounding thunk instead.

“Shit,” he curses and rubs at his head. “Detective, are you alright? Did something happen?”

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - He completely forgot you were there for a moment. 

COMPOSURE [Challenging: Success] - Do NOT let him know you’re in the middle of another sexuality crisis.

DRAMA [Legendary: Failure] - Simply make something up, sire. 

“I—uh—” You start sweating more. Nothing comes to mind. “I just remembered—something. About cake.” Kim’s still rubbing his head and your brain suddenly catches up with you. “Oh, shit, sorry Kim! Are you ok? Do you need ice?”

“No, no, I’m fine,” he insists, but you push him by the shoulder towards a chair. “Really, I’ve dealt with worse.” Reluctantly, he sits down under the pressure of your apologetic puppy dog eyes.

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - He’s worried you’ll start crying. You’re sensitive, after all.

“No way, your skull made a _thunk_ and everything,” you say. “Here, I’ll—just sit still—I’ll be right back.” 

You turn and take off up two flights of stairs and burst into one of the precinct’s drab, dingy breakrooms. You’re pretty sure the icemaker still works in this one. It’s only when you’re standing in front of the fridge that you realize you don’t have a bag, or anything remotely appropriate for ice application. In lieu of a better solution, you fill a styrofoam cup up with ice and then bang your way out of the breakroom and back down the stairs.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - “Was that Du Bois?” Officer Dewitt asks, looking at the door. “What’s gotten into him this time?”

Her lunchmate snorts into his coffee. “Back on his shit, probably.”

Dewitt blinks. “Wait, are you telling me he was off it?”

Kim is still sitting patiently where you left him and looking generally unworried. He raises a single eyebrow when you rush back in, breathlessly wielding the styrofoam cup at arm’s length as an offering.

“Did you bring me... a drink?” he asks. You shake your head vigorously, giving yourself a moment to catch your breath.

“No, it’s ice. For your head.” You look down at the ice, which is still (unhelpfully) housed in a cup. “I, uh… there weren’t any bags or anything.”

Kim lets out a low chuckle that makes your heart do something funny. “No, there probably wouldn’t be.” He reaches out to gently take the cup from your hand. The brief brush of his fingers against yours sends a jolt down your spine. You stare at him dumbly.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Hey, hey, remember what we were talking about before?

No, you think. Like a liar.

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - You are coming down with some sort of heart sickness.

PAIN THRESHOLD [Trivial: Success] - Not literally.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Easy: Success] - Snap out of it, the lieutenant is saying something!

“... you though,” Kim concludes. He’s set the cup (and ice) aside. You didn’t catch a word of what he just said.

“Huh?” you respond eloquently. 

Kim stands up and offers you a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Like I was trying to tell you before you ran off, it was just a little bump. The ice isn’t necessary.” His eyes glint with a suppressed smile. “But thank you for the heroic rescue.”

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - He is genuinely touched. Your enthusiasm to help people is one of your more charming qualities, in his eyes.

You feel your face burn. Suddenly you have a hard time looking at Kim directly.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Formidable: Success] - Hold on, here it comes: another epiphany. You feel the pieces fall into place, the puzzle completing. This is the big one, the denouement. Harry, you—

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - WANT TO KISS KIM.

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - No, you fool! Well, that too, but sire, you are truly, madly, deeply in love with Lieutenant Kitsuragi.

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - A theatrical way to say you have a huge crush on Kim. 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Sure, that works. But what are we waiting for! Invite him over right now! It’s go time, baby. Carpe diem or whatever.

COMPOSURE [Medium: Failure] - Your whole body feels like it’s on fire. Sweat soaks your shirt.

I have a what? Panic grips your spine. I mean, of course I like Kim—as a friend!—who wouldn’t?—he’s cool, and stylish, and talented, and he’ll actually put up with my bullshit—

You pause and _really_ consider that line of thought. Ok. Well. Maybe you all have a point. 

DRAMA - One must be honest with oneself. 

RHETORIC [Easy: Success] - Also, no hetero-sexual man questions his sexuality as much as you have. Just so you know.

“Detective! Harry!” Kim’s voice drags you out of your internal emotional spiral. Oh no, he’s stepped closer. His eyebrows are drawn together with concern. “Are you sure you’re alright? You are a bit… out of it today.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] - The “more than usual” is left unsaid.

“Yes,” you manage to croak out, mind still reeling from your sudden realization. “Yes, um, you know. The heat?” 

SUGGESTION [Medium: Failure] - Nice going, charmer. He probably thinks you’re having a stroke now.

“Looks like you need the ice more than I do, detective.” Kim shakes his head and begins to move away, presumably to get you water.

REACTION SPEED [Easy: Success] - Wait—

SUGGESTION [Medium: Failure] - You can’t lose this chance! Say something!

“KIM—” you shout. Before you have time to think, you bravely forge ahead. “Would you want to, uh, get dinner together?”

SUGGESTION - Nailed it.

VOLITION [Challenging: Success] - No, hold on. What are we doing? We only admitted to ourselves that we have less than platonic feelings for Lieutenant Kitsuragi about a minute ago. You need to think about this!

EMPATHY [Challenging: Failure] - Would Kim even say yes right now?

VISUAL CALCULUS [Challenging: Failure] - You haven’t considered all the variables yet.

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - Quickly, save yourself from complete dishonor!

“—AS FRIENDS,” you add hurriedly. A bead of sweat trickles down your forehead.

Kim is giving you a funny look.

EMPATHY [Legendary: Failure] - You have no idea what he’s thinking. He’s probably still worried about your health?

“Because it’s been such a hot day, we could go grab something cool. Like ice cream.” You rush to elaborate. “And, you know, get a chance to hang out more. Outside of work.” Kim’s eyebrows are slowly creeping up his forehead in bewilderment. “We could try a new place?” you finish weakly.

There’s an awkward pause as Kim processes your outburst. He seems to settle on amusement, because he lets out a little huff of laughter and shrugs his shoulders. “Sure, we can. It’s been a few weeks since we’ve had a chance.” He gives you that funny look again. “You’re usually less, hm, dramatic about grabbing dinner.”

HALF LIGHT [Medium: Success] - Something about the look makes you feel vulnerable. Your hands clench nervously. 

“Well, I guess I’m kind of out of it today. Like you said.” You glance back towards where the Kineema sits abandoned. Divert the conversation. “And I distracted you from your repairs. Can I… help?”

INTERFACING - Probably not.

Kim hums thoughtfully, also turning back to observe the carriage. “I think I have a handle on the mechanical work, detective.” Then he throws you a mischievous smile (and man, that’s cause for a whole new crisis). “You could pay for the food though, to make up for it.” 

“Yes, sure, definitely,” you agree quickly. Your wallet lets out a little whimper in protest. You pretend not to hear it.

“Then it’s settled,” Kim says, and picks up his tools again. “If you don’t mind a little wait.”

“No, I don’t,” you reply, and that’s the complete truth. You really could spend ages with Kim, doing practically anything, and feel perfectly happy. This is one thing you know for sure.

INLAND EMPIRE [Challenging: Success] - Something blossoms in your chest. It is only a little painful.

**[TWO]**

Several days and several nights of lying awake in bed contemplating your sad, strange life later, you come to the conclusion that you definitely, absolutely need to ask Kim out on a date. An actual date, not as friends, by which you mean going out as more than friends (but still as friends, hopefully). It’s just a matter of finding the right moment. And if there’s anything you are, you’re a master of seizing opportunities—for better or worse. 

Then all of that is forgotten for a few brief, frenzied days spent solving a truly baffling case involving a counterfeit pearl necklace, a stolen bird, and a champion track star. When you finally close the book on that one, you and Kim find yourselves back in a mostly empty C-Wing just as the long summer twilight begins to creep over the city.

SHIVERS [Medium: Success] - On the west end of Jamrock, a mother calls her daughter in for the night. Her small red hair ribbon lays abandoned on the street, where it fell unnoticed during her play. The breeze will carry it away by morning.

“Another job well done,” you announce and flop into your desk chair. “I wasn’t expecting the bird to be so central, honestly.”

“It was certainly… interesting,” Kim replies.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] - Interesting is putting it lightly, he thinks. Most cases with you are incredibly strange, as a rule of thumb.

There’s some paperwork to attend to now that the investigation is wrapped up, which Kim tackles with characteristic efficiency. You try to do the same—really, you actually manage to get one whole form filled out before your mind begins to wander. You return again to the topic that has dominated your thoughts for the past week: the man sitting across from you.

Kim’s face is bathed in the amber light of his desk light, casting a glare across his glasses and obscuring his eyes. His head is tilted down towards the stack of forms and his lips purse in concentration. Each slash of his pen across the paper brooks no argument: case closed.

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] - Even paperwork obeys the lieutenant.

Kim is just so _cool._ You’re starting to sound like a broken record with how much you think that, but it’s undeniable. Who wouldn’t have a crush on Kim?

LOGIC [Easy: Success] - Hetero-sexual men, which most of your coworkers are.

And which you are not. You completed that thought project days ago, and confidently concluded you are into all sorts of people. You even checked out a book about all this sexuality business (discreetly).

INLAND EMPIRE - It mostly means more people to break your heart, though. Tough luck.

You are not thinking about _that_ though; you’ve already decided to forge ahead with undue confidence before you can have second thoughts. And, you realize with sudden clarity, after tonight your weekend finally starts. A day off opens all sorts of opportunities— date-like opportunities.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Challenging: Failure] - You’re still trying to figure out what the date would _be_ exactly, and you’re not really sure if there are some secret Underground rules you don’t know about, but that can all come after you actually do the asking. 

SAVOIR FAIRE - Just shoot your shot with style. Like we practiced in the mirror.

You fiddle with your pen some more as you internally debate your plan of action. Your paperwork sits abandoned by your elbow. You just have to be casual about it, ask if he’s free tomorrow when you pack up to leave, and then you’ll… come up with an idea. If he says yes (you really _really_ hope he says yes).

Kim clears his throat, startling you from your thoughts. You barely manage to keep hold of your pen. He’s already standing, his forms collected neatly in a manila folder. Yours are still scattered and abandoned across your desk. The sky outside is nearly dark except for the faintest remnants of a dusky orange glow on the horizon. 

“I’ve finished,” the lieutenant states, which emphasizes the fact you have not finished. He raises an eyebrow. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Easy: Success] - He wasn’t actually expecting you to be done, but it would have been nice.

“Cool, great work Kim.” You shove your papers into some semblance of order and give them a little pat. “I’ll finish these tomorrow, you know, when I have a fresh perspective.”

Kim sighs. He’s already resigned himself to this outcome before he even spoke to you. Honestly, on a different night you might have caved and spent the time finishing the forms and sign-offs (it’s less time spent in your depressing apartment) but you have a plan to execute.

SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] - Ok, you got this. Start slow, set up a good scene. 

“Anyway, do you wanna grab a smoke?” You push back from the desk and waggle your eyebrows at him. “To celebrate solving the case?”

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - He’s in a good mood. He won’t argue.

“Sure. Lead the way, detective.” He follows you as you make your way to the small window balcony that leads out to the fire escape, which is thankfully empty this time of night. A cool breeze brushes your face as you lean out, the sounds of Jamrock at night filtering through. 

SHIVERS [Formidable: Success] - Life continues onwards, little tableaus of joy, hardship, love, misery playing out across Revachol’s streets. Hundred of thousands of miles out, the world flows upwards still, and dissolves into fragments, then memories, then nothing. People do their best not to think of it.

Beside you, Kim looks out across the buildings with a thoughtful expression. The city lights reflect in the lenses of his glasses like little twinkling stars, the twilight hour softening his face. The moment lingers, suspended, and you feel your breath catch.

Then Kim pulls a cigarette out of his own pack, and you fumble to take out your lighter. 

“Here,” you say, and the flame sparks upward.

Holding the cigarette between his lips, Kim leans forward to touch its tip to the lighter’s flame you cup with your hand. Kim’s eyes flicker up to meet yours, in the split second he’s bent towards the light. They’re dark enough to drown in. You think you see his lips curl upwards, ever so slightly, a flash of teeth.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Failure] - _Wow._

Then the moment breaks and Kim leans away again to take a drag of his cigarette. You stand there, a little shocked, before you remember to pull out your own smoke. A companionable silence falls over you until you realize you had a _reason_ for being here. 

SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] - You’ve set up the moment. Follow through, ask him if he’s free.

“So,” you clear your throat to break the silence, “Got any plans this weekend?”

“Hm?” Kim hums, looking over to you. “Nothing in particular, no.”

Now what? How do you ask… this. 

DRAMA [Challenging: Failure] - Cut straight to the truth—simply declare your feelings! 

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - No, that’s a bad idea. Be subtle enough so you can have an out if it all blows up.

SUGGESTION [Challenging: Success] - Just ask if he would like to do anything tomorrow. Grab lunch, go to a gallery, sing karaoke, whatever.

“Kim,” you start, taking a deep breath. Your heartbeat picks up and your stomach is twisting into knots. This is fine, you’re an accomplished, fully-grown adult. Nothing to worry about. “Tomorrow, would you li—”

The door of the stairwell bangs open and you jump, barely containing a scream. Oh man, your heart may have just stopped for a second. 

Jean Vicquemare stands in the doorway, scowling. 

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - He is annoyed with you (as usual). 

“H—hey Jean,” you say weakly with a little wave. Kim nods at Jean too. “I didn’t expect you to still be in this late.”

“Yes, because I’m not _supposed_ to be.” His expression is becoming increasingly, worryingly strained. “Did you forget?”

You glance to Kim for help, but the lieutenant shakes his head.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Easy: Success] - You’re on your own here.

“Uh… Forget what?” you ask, tentative. Your mind is coming up blank; you’re not known for your great memory these days. 

The sigh that rushes out of Jean is immense. “Forget that you—” He points an accusing finger at you “—are supposed to be covering my patrol hours tonight.”

Oooh, right. You vaguely remember agreeing to this last week in apology for breaking Jean’s ‘BEST DETECTIVE’ mug. Which had apparently been, ironically enough, an old gift from you. Needless to say, that mug had lots of loaded emotional weight to it that neither of you are comfortable addressing. 

“Yeah, it slipped my mind,” you admit sheepishly. Jean’s frown somehow deepens. 

VOLITION - You really are trying to patch things up with Jean, you’re just not very good at it. You can’t blow this off.

“But don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!” you add quickly, trying to project something approximating enthusiasm. “Sorry, really, but I’ll pick it up Jean.” You try not to look _too_ pleading. “Don’t be mad.” 

Jean shakes his head and lets out another heavy sigh, but something in him relaxes. “Well, good. I’m heading out then. Don’t fuck anything up tonight.” He gives Kim a terse nod in acknowledgement. “Lieutenant.”

“Have a good night.” Kim replies, perfectly polite.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Challenging: Success] - Lieutenant Kitsuragi has maintained a courteous and professional relationship with Satellite Officer Vicquemare, but he often disagrees with how Officer Vicquemare handles you. 

Jean, likewise, is still processing how to feel about being replaced. 

Jean grunts and turns on his heel, hurrying down the stairs to avoid any more conversation with you. You look back at Kim and sigh. “Guess I’m having a late night after all.”

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - You do a pretty good job hiding the disappointment in your voice. The opportunity to float your date idea has slipped past you.

So much for that plan. You feel knocked off balance, all the adrenaline quickly draining out of your system. Sullenly, you finish your cigarette with a few more drags and put it out on the windowsill. 

Kim offers you a sympathetic smile. “Look on the bright side. You could probably get away with doing your paperwork while you’re out.”

“Yeah,” you mumble. “Well, I guess I better get on it before Jean comes back to tear me a new one.” Kim seems to have forgotten that you were saying anything at all before Jean barged in, and you’re not going to bring it up again.

Kim puts out his cigarette and straightens up, taking his cue to leave. “Good night then, detective.” A pause. 

EMPATHY [Challenging: Failure] - Debating something?

Then Kim simply nods in farewell and disappears down the stairs. 

You manage to hold in your moan of despair until after Kim is out of sight. Is it usually this hard to ask someone on a date! Jean’s timing couldn’t have been worse. After hyping yourself up for this for days...

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - Some malicious force is working against you, clearly.

“Whatever,” you mutter, resigning yourself to a long and lonely night. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Formidable: Success] - On the other end of the long, open floor that houses the desks of Station 41’s C-Wing, Patrol Officer Judit Minot watches as Lieutenant Double-Yefreitor Harrier Du Bois shuffles down the stairs, leaving her alone. She had gone unnoticed as she quietly completed her own paperwork.

She hides a smile behind her hand and shakes her head. Something is obviously going on between Lieutenant Du Bois and Lieutenant Kitsuragi. Or, at the very least, Lieutenant Du Bois wants something to happen. He has been gazing a little too much as of late. 

It is none of Judit’s business, though. She has a feeling it will resolve itself eventually. She packs up her own desk, neatly sliding everything back into place, and makes her way downstairs, out into Jamrock, and back to her apartment where her girlfriend has prepared dinner. They exchange a kiss. People are certainly free to keep their business as they choose, Judit thinks. She understands discretion.

**[THREE]**

“Just put the bags down there.” Kim gestures to his small kitchen table as he closes the apartment door. You dump the grocery bags and then collapse into one of the mismatched kitchen chairs, grateful to be back inside. The fan on the counter rattles gently.

Kim’s apartment is as tidy as the last two times you’ve been here. For a Jamrock apartment, it all looks remarkably well-kept and functional. Definitely leagues above your own place. Across the other end of the small kitchen and living room, Kim slides open his windows to let in the cool evening air. Outside, the sounds of traffic. It feels comfortable rather than sterile. 

Kim perches on the arm of his couch, content to watch as you take out the groceries. 

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Challenging: Failure] - The lieutenant always sits in the oddest positions. Is he making a statement?

“Breakfast for dinner… it is very you,” he says, eyes following your movements. “Thank you for offering to cook.”

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] - He does find the idea charming.

“No, this is a ‘thank you’ to _you_ situation, Kim. And you’re the one sacrificing your kitchen here.” You throw him a wink. You’re not actually a horrible cook, despite all appearances. (This came as a surprise even to you.)

Ostensibly, you’re here in the lieutenant’s kitchen to pay him back for a patch-job he did on your blazer. Secretly, you’ve set this up as the perfect opportunity to ask Kim out. You have a _plan_ this time.

VOLITION - Third time’s the charm.

DRAMA [Medium: Failure] - Are we certain bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns are the most romantic option?

ENDURANCE [Challenging: Failure] - You backed out of the soupe à l'oignon idea when you realized how long it _actually_ takes to caramelize onions. 

You look at the bacon sitting on the kitchen table. Do not fuck this up for us, you think. The bacon resolves to stay quiet. 

“Do you often cook?” Kim asks curiously as you start peeling the potatoes. Your offer to cook had caught him off guard—he didn’t take you as the type. A recovering alcoholic and drug addict doesn’t exactly scream home cook.

You stop to consider. “Often enough, when I’m actually at my place and awake. It’s something to do.”

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Failure] - Time you could use for drinking, getting high, partying down… You’re so _boring_ now.

Your hands tense. That’s why it’s good to have a distraction when you’re alone. You’ve taken up doing puzzle kits too. 

“What about you?” you ask Kim, eager to learn any scrap of personal info.

“Yes, often enough,” he parrots back and leaves it at that. The goal forms in your mind: eat Kim’s cooking. It might take a while to complete.

You lapse into silence as you shred and rinse the potatoes before wringing them dry. In your mind, you’re trying to pinpoint the best moment to ask The Question. Before eating? In the middle? No, probably not that. Maybe after?

HALF LIGHT [Challenging: Success] - If you save it for last you can make a break for it if he says no.

The bacon hits the pan with a satisfying sizzle. Maybe you’ll just know at the right moment.

“Do you want the radio on?” Kim asks after a minute. A small radio, carefully and lovingly maintained, sits on top of his fridge. You squint your eyes to see what it was last tuned to.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Medium: Success] - It’s not SPEEDFREAKS FM. Maybe that’s just reserved for driving? Or maybe it’s out of courtesy for the neighbors. 

“Sure,” you reply. Jumping on the opportunity to learn more about Kim’s music taste, you add: “Whatever station you want.”

The lieutenant reaches to adjust the radio dials. His tank top rides up, just a little, as he stretches his arms up, revealing a sliver of skin. Your throat goes dry. Your fingers itch; you want to touch him.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - Oh brother, you got it bad. Lucky for you, his bedroom is nearby if you want to change your plans.

Your eyes dart to the closed door to Kim’s bedroom. You still haven’t seen it. 

VOLITION [Medium: Success] - Concentrate, you’re here to cook a nice meal for Kim! _And_ ask him out on the _first_ date. Don’t get ahead of yourself. 

Right. You crack an egg into a bowl and do _not_ think of Kim or his bedroom or Kim in his bedroom. Some fuzzy, meandering psychedelic rock with crooning female vocals drifts out of the radio, grounding you back in the moment. It’s not the kind of music you expected Kim to listen to in his off time; it has a nostalgic, summery sound to it that fills the room with a particular sort of dreamy warmth. 

Kim offers you a smile, his eyes crinkling with it. “It’s a bit old-school,” he says. “But it’s nice for a slow night.” A breeze ruffles his hair ever so slightly. Birds sing outside. The refrigerator quietly hums.

INLAND EMPIRE [Challenging: Success] - This moment will remain suspended in time in your mind. The radio static and Kim’s soft look, looping behind your eyelids at night. What you want… 

“Yeah, it’s nice,” you breathe out. Kim is still looking at you and you’re not looking away. The seconds stretch onward. 

SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] - Now. You should ask him now!

The question swells in your chest, ready to burst out of you. Kim, you’ll say, do you want to go on a date? You open your mouth, your lungs fill with air, and—

“Harry, the bacon!” 

The dream-like moment abruptly snaps. Dazed, you look back towards the stove.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Trivial: Success] - There’s smoke.

PERCEPTION (SMELL) [Trivial: Success] - Something is burning. Probably the bacon.

“Oh shit!” Frantically, you slam a pot lid down on top of the pan. You remember to turn off the burner seconds later. 

There’s a moment of silence and then Kim starts laughing. It’s soft, hardly more than an exhale of air; he’s covering his face, trying to restrain himself. You stand there dumbly, one hand still holding the lid on the pan like the burnt remnants of your bacon are going to jump out and bite you.

“Sorry, sorry,” Kim says and seems to gather himself. “Just—your reaction.” 

Your face flushes with embarrassment. 

SAVOIR FAIRE - So much for charming him.

“I—” You awkwardly shuffle away from the stove. “Fuck, sorry Kim. I really wasn’t planning to burn down your apartment or anything.”

Kim shakes his head. “I trust that wasn’t your plan tonight.” His voice is still laced with amusement. At least he doesn’t seem to be upset with you. “Did you have something against the bacon?”

“No…” you mumble, “Sorry, I guess I got a bit distracted.”

“Hmm.” The lieutenant hums cryptically. There’s the hint of a smile lingering in his eyes.

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - He’s not angry.

REACTION SPEED [Challenging: Failure] - You still feel like you’re missing something.

“And I swear I can cook without nearly starting a fire,” you add, compelled to defend yourself. 

AUTHORITY - Good. Don’t let the lieutenant doubt you. 

Kim moves past you to inspect the components of your half-completed meal. The potatoes sit harmlessly to the side, free from the fiery fate of the bacon. “Well, if you want to redeem yourself, go ahead.” He glances back up at you. “I was looking forward to trying your cooking.”

AUTHORITY - And don’t back down from this challenge! 

“Alright, if you insist.” You’ve mostly recovered your cool; you’re not going to be bested by some stupid cured meat product. Take that, you think spitefully as you scrape the bacon’s burnt remains into the trash. 

LOGIC [Challenging: Success] - You’re going to need to concentrate if you want to actually cook something decent. Perhaps you should put the date plans aside for now; it was distracting you quite a bit.

SAVOIR FAIRE - You also ruined the moment. It can’t be tonight.

You stare down at the eggs despairingly. Once again, you failed to even _ask_ Kim on a date much less go on one. This feels impossible.

VOLITION [Formidable: Success] - Don’t give up yet. It’s just been bad luck. Recoup and try again in a few days. Kim isn’t going anywhere.

Right. You take a deep breath and center yourself. Your challenge right now is to cook food without burning it.

COMPOSURE [Challenging: Success] - If you have to shed some tears, do that alone in bed tonight. That’s what you usually do.

Later, after the meal (which received a sincere compliment from Kim) you stand in his small kitchen drying the freshly washed dishes Kim hands to you. The comfortable buzz of the radio continues in the background, blending into the quiet hours of evening. Your earlier embarrassment has faded in the face of Kim’s easy company—now, you simply feel content. 

You break the silence first. “Thank you. For letting me do this.” Your gaze remains fixed on the white ceramic of the plate you hold, its dull surface swirling behind the swipe of the dishtowel. 

“Why thank me? You’re the one that cooked.”

“I mean, for letting me come over.” You breathe out and tilt your head back, examining the faded ceiling paint. “And, you know. Putting up with me.”

HALF LIGHT [Medium: Success] - You’re exposing yourself. 

You hear a clink as Kim sets a mug back down in the sink. A pause as he weighs his words. “Harry, I do more than put up with you. I know I can be a—a private person. But I consider you a good friend.” 

You risk a glance over at Kim. He’s leaning back against the kitchen counter observing you. His expression is difficult to read.

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - He is not lying, sire.

Heat rises to your face. The candid nature of his words throw you off balance. “Oh. Ok then.” You clear your throat. “Well, you too. I mean, you’re the best friend I have.”

Kim seems unsure how to take your admission in return, your unrestrained honesty still a surprise to him. After a moment he picks the mug back up and hands it to you. “I’m glad we cleared that up, then.”

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Medium: Success] - The tips of his ears are pink.

COMPOSURE [Challenging: Failure] - Your own face glows red. Your heart thuds against your ribcage.

INLAND EMPIRE [Challenging: Success] - You’ve entrusted each other with something precious.

You finish the dishes, and part ways at his door. You nurse the warm, fluttery thrill of your crush all the way back to your own apartment. For once, your dreams are calm. 

**[FOUR]**

Metal screeches on metal. Your stomach lurches, nearly giving up the remains of your lunch.

HALF LIGHT [Challenging: Failure] - You are going to die.

“Hold tight, detective!” Kim shouts and slams his foot on the break, sending the Kineema into a tight skid around the street corner before gunning the gas again. He has a manic glint in his eyes and his whole body is tense with adrenaline. Ahead, the carriage you’re pursuing belches out smoke as it struggles to go faster. SPEEDFREAKS FM blares from the dashboard radio, the beginnings of a bad headache. 

ENDURANCE [Challenging: Success] - You manage not to puke, but only barely. 

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Failure] - You are going… very fast.

You weren’t expecting to get into a car chase when you and the lieutenant set out to conduct interviews this morning. Things, evidently, escalated. Now you find yourself pressed in the backseat of Kim’s Coupris Kineema, desperately clinging to the seat in an effort to stay in place. The lieutenant drives like he’s possessed. 

SAVOIR FAIRE - He does look cool, in a terrifying way. He’s filled with the reckless abandon of an adrenaline junkie.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - You’re kind of into it.

Maybe, but that’s something to consider later. If you survive this. 

Kim takes another sharp curve and your heart beats painfully against your chest. Oh, that doesn’t feel good. 

“KIM,” you yell over the thump of the radio, “I THINK I MAY BE HAVING A HEART ATTACK.”

“Don’t do that!” Kim yells back, his eyes never leaving the road. His gloved hand reaches down to shift into a higher gear. How is there a higher gear?

“Ok. Got it,” you say weakly, but the lieutenant doesn’t seem to hear you.

The buildings speed by so fast you’re not quite sure where you are anymore, but you hope this doesn’t end with another plunge into the ocean. Once was enough for you (even if you can’t actually remember it). 

SHIVERS [Medium: Success] - The streets of Revachol are nearly unmappable. Like a nervous system, they stretch out organically in all directions, seeding Le Caillou’s shores with life. It is easy to get lost and lose someone in turn. 

Why couldn’t this have been a foot chase? You’re good at those. Your uncanny gym teacher endurance usually wins out. 

Kim does another startling maneuver with the carriage and roars off down another side street.

There’s a sudden shriek and the carriage jerks forward as Kim hits the breaks again, spinning the wheel to force the car to the left. The last thing you see before your head slams against the side of the window is the towering silhouette of a cable bridge. Then you black out.

■

You come to with a pounding headache and something shaking your shoulder. You blink blearily. Someone is in front of you, spinning in and out of focus. You squint.

PAIN THRESHOLD [Challenging: Failure] - You may have cracked your skull open. It’s hard to think straight.

The person is saying something. “Hhm?” you mutter articulately. “Who’sit?”

“Detective,” they say and you blink again. Two full-moon lenses stare back at you. After a moment, you sluggishly realize it’s Kim. He’s leaning very close to you, face etched with concern. 

REACTION SPEED [Easy: Failure] - Why is Kim here…

“Detective, do you know who I am?” Kim asks, and you belatedly notice his hand is gripping your shoulder. It’s nice. 

“Yeah. You’re Kim.” You give him a dopey smile. 

“Ok. That’s good.” He lets out a breath and relaxes marginally. You’re still trying to think through the throbbing pain in your skull. You might be leaning against a wall. Kim is crouched in front of you. He’s still holding you by your shoulder.

“What… happened?” you say, slowly. 

“You got knocked out during the chase. You almost certainly have a concussion.” Kim looks a little embarrassed. “I should apologize. I was a little too reckless with my driving.”

“Oh.” You process this. “Ok. That’s fine.” You don’t want Kim to feel bad. 

“How do you feel?” Kim asks.

PAIN THRESHOLD [Easy: Success] - Bad.

“Bad,” you say. 

The hand on your shoulder gives you a sympathetic pat. “It seemed like a nasty blow. I had to haul you out of the backseat myself—you were out cold.”

Through the fog in your brain, you feel something light up. Wow, Kim carried you? “That’s so cool,” you breathe out reverently. 

The lieutenant clears his throat delicately. You’re staring, your vision still swimming. “Not really.” He stands up from his crouch and dusts off his pants. “Do you think you can stand? We should get you back to the station lazareth.” 

“Maybe.” You try to move but end up flopping back against the wall. The world spins. “Think I need… help.”

Kim reaches down and grips your forearm, pulling you up and slinging your arm around his shoulder. He grunts with the effort of taking your weight as you list heavily against him. His side presses a warm line against yours.

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Failure] - It feels … nice.

REACTION SPEED [Challenging: Failure] - Wasn’t there something… something you wanted to ask Kim? He’s so nice. 

Hazily, you allow Kim to guide you back to the Kineema where it sits on the curb of the street. The point of contact where Kim’s arm wraps around your waist feels profoundly important. 

Kim opens the door of the carriage and helps you clamber up into the seat. Your stomach churns with the sudden change but stabilizes once you’re seated. Kim pulls his hands away; the loss is acute.

Your eyes lock on Kim’s face. He’s still examining you with concern. Your gaze travels down his face and lands on his lips. You furrow your eyebrows, concentrating.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Failure] - Something to do with his lips? Fuck, you could go for some painkillers right now. 

Yeah, it was… You search your mind. Suddenly, Kim touches your arm again lightly pulling your attention back to him. 

“Harry,” he says gently. No ‘detective.’ “I’ll drive slow on the way back, just try not to move too much. And let me know if we need to pull over.”

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - He cares about you.

You feel a little overwhelmed by this. That’s right, you remember. Kim is the smartest, coolest, nicest partner. You really like him.

“Kim,” you mumble, leaning closer, “I gotta ask you something.”

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Failure] - It’s very important you ask this right now.

Kim looks at you expectantly but your eyes have wandered back down to his mouth.

“Do—do you wanna—”

You’re stopped by the lieutenant pressing an urgent finger against your lips to shush you. You cross your eyes to look at it, dumbly. 

REACTION SPEED [Easy: Failure] - Huh?

“Detective, perhaps you should save this question for when you’re feeling better,” Kim says sternly, cautiously removing his hand. “And when you can remember what you’re saying.”

You pout. “I’ll… I can remember.” 

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Trivial: Success] - Brain injuries frequently cause memory loss. 

“Then we can both laugh at this conversation tomorrow,” he says dryly. “For now, you really need to see a doctor.”

“Fine,” you grumble, and Kim helps you into the back seat. After checking on you in the rear view mirror he turns the carriage on and, true to his words, takes you on a very slow and safe ride back to the lazareth. 

■

You’re cleared to go back to work two days later (Dr. Gottlieb had concluded you had acquired “no more serious brain trauma than you already have, stop coming in here”) but your memories surrounding the chase remain fuzzy. You’re still not sure what happened to the suspect; not knowing the conclusion had left you antsy during your recuperation. You prefer it when a case gets tied up neatly.

“Hey Kim, what happened to the carriage we were chasing after I hit my head?” you ask him later that morning over your awful office coffee. Your tastebuds become numb to that stuff after a certain point. A small mercy.

“They made a break for the bridge over the Esperant. That’s why I slammed the breaks— it was too crowded and narrow to pursue them safely,” the lieutenant explains. “It’s a shame. They probably have contacts somewhere in Revachol East. That money is going to shield them now.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] - You can get away with anything with enough money, he thinks bitterly.

“The interests of capital win again,” you proclaim with a knowing smirk. 

The lieutenant merely raises an eyebrow at you, used to this. You take a few more gulps of your coffee before Kim speaks up again. “What else do you remember, then?”

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] - He seems to be asking after something specific. 

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Impossible: Failure] - Unfortunately, you sustained minor brain damage. 

“Not much,” you admit. “I can only remember stuff clearly right around when we got to the station. Why? Don’t tell me I did something bad.”

Kim lets out a small huff of laughter and leans back in his chair, gazing up at the ceiling. “Just wondering. You didn’t do much at all, don’t worry.” He looks back at you with a hint of a smile. “I made sure of that.”

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - He’s teasing you, but not in a cruel way.

“Right.” You throw him a suspicious look. “Thanks then.”

You’re _sure_ you’ve forgotten something now, but you take the lieutenant at his word. You both finish your coffee and head out into the summer heat, ready for another day. You file that small mystery away for later.

**[FIVE]**

Kim finds you smoking down in the garage. It’s your third cigarette in the past hour- something in you feels jittery and anxious today.

“Still want a ride home?” He asks, dangling his keys on his finger. You take one final drag of your cigarette and stub it out on the wall.

“Yeah. Thanks again—I appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem.” Kim replies. “I’m the one who offered, after all.”

SHIVERS [Easy: Success] - You live closer to Station 41, deep within the beating heart of Jamrock. The lieutenant’s apartment lies further out, closer to the Industrial Harbor. The wind there sometimes carries the scent of sea salt. At night, his drive home is long and lonely and he is left with only his thoughts. 

Kim tosses you the extra helmet he was holding under his arm, which you manage to (barely) catch without fumbling it. The presence of the helmet brings with it a belated realization. That’s right: Kim rides a motorcycle when off duty. You stare down at the helmet, betrayed. How did this slip your mind when you agreed earlier? Your body breaks out in a nervous sweat—maybe you can still bail.

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - Ok, chill out. Don’t panic before you even get on. The lieutenant has given you a ride before. Three separate times even! Nothing’s changed. 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - Except _everything_ has changed, because you realized a few weeks ago that you want Kim to blow your mind. If you know what I mean.

You do, unfortunately, know.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Actually, this is not the only kind of ride that comes to mind—

VOLITION [Challenging: Success] - Ok, time to stop! We _are_ going to be normal about this. And you—do not mess this up for us. 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Fine, fine. No one appreciates my work around here. 

“Are you coming, detective?” Kim calls from across the garage and you shake your head clear. 

You hurry across the room. Kim swings his leg over the bike and kicks up the side stand before securing his own helmet. You follow suit, settling into the second seat and leaning away from Kim like there’s a magnetic force pushing you apart. Your palms already feel clammy from nerves where they lay balled up by your side.

LOGIC [Easy: Success] - This is in no way safe passenger positioning. You have no stability. 

“Harry, you have to hold on to _something,_ ” Kim says patiently, echoing this conclusion. That something, of course, has to be Kim; the bike lacks any railing around the back seat. You silently curse the manufacturer. 

“Right, I remember.” Awkwardly, you place one hand on Kim’s waist but maintain as much of a professional distance as you can. Kim sighs.

“Use both hands.” 

AUTHORITY [Medium: Failure] - His voice leaves no room for arguments. 

You quickly place your other hand at his waist. 

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Medium: Failure] - Stop tensing those muscles!

COMPOSURE [Challenging: Failure] - You are radiating nervous energy right now.

Either Kim doesn’t notice this or doesn’t comment on this. He must be satisfied with your current level of contact because he starts the ignition and the engine rumbles to life beneath you. You tighten your grip, marginally.

“Don’t let go!” Kim calls over the roar of the engine and then you’re off. The wind buffets your face as he picks up speed and your world narrows to the bike beneath you and Kim in front of you.

Without the space for conversation, you’re drawn back into your thoughts. It’s hard not to think about Kim given your current position. Recently, it’s hard not to think about Kim, period. 

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - Another ghost to haunt the hallways of your mind.

Maybe you would be less haunted if you could actually succeed on asking Kim out on a date. Every chance you’ve had, something has gone wrong. You’re starting to think you did actually get cursed by some evil entity. 

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - Perhaps the time for plans is over. When the moment arrives, you must seize it! Speak clearly!

INLAND EMPIRE [Challenging: Success] - A bad feeling settles in your gut. Maybe there is a reason you’ve failed. 

AUTHORITY [Medium: Success] - No, don’t be a coward.

EMPATHY [Challenging: Failure] - But we don’t know how Kim feels...

You stare at Kim’s back, steady against the blurred backdrop of the world. Suddenly you feel very unsure. You haven’t properly considered if this was a good idea; you’ve been too caught up in the thrill of even having the idea. The sound of the engine is deafening and your ears ring. Sure, you’ve considered the fact Kim might decline. But what if he’s disgusted—what if he breaks off your friendship, or even your work partnership?

VISUAL CALCULUS [Challenging: Success] - Dozens of different scenarios sprawl out before you. Some of them good, most of them bad. 

And you certainly have baggage—six years of it, probably more. You’re not exactly prime bachelor material. All the drinking has been unkind to you. You have problems you’ve hardly even begun to address in your scattered therapy sessions. What could Kim possibly like about you?

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Success] - You’re like a human car crash—it’s not good to look at.

After all, the first time Kim met you, it was after a bender so bad that you literally gave yourself brain damage. That’s probably not a good sign for your romantic prospects either. 

SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] - It _was_ a fairly bad first impression.

You know you’re panicking, but it’s hard to reign in. You badly want a cigarette, a drink, anything. When Kim pulls up to the curb in front of your apartment your hands are trembling slightly. 

“We’re here,” Kim says, and you climb off the bike and barely avoid tripping over your own feet. Mechanically, you remove your helmet and clip it to the back of the motorcycle. Your pulse is fast and flighty in your throat. 

COMPOSURE [Challenging: Failure] - Things are dire. 

“Are you alright?” Kim asks when you fail to say anything. “I hope my driving didn’t scare you.” His voice is light, an attempt at levity. 

“No, that’s—it’s not that.” You run a hand through your hair to try and steady yourself. Kim is still looking at you.

REACTION SPEED [Medium: Success] - You need to do something.

VOLITION [Challenging: Success] - We need to move past this whole situation somehow. Maybe you should just ask now. 

PAIN THRESHOLD [Medium: Success] - It will be like tearing a bandage off. Or shooting yourself in the foot. 

“I—Kim—” You falter, the words sticking in your throat.

HALF LIGHT [Medium: Failure] - DON’T DO IT. LEAVE.

EMPATHY [Challenging: Failure] - What is he thinking, we can’t tell what he’s thinking-

INLAND EMPIRE [Challenging: Failure] - You’re doomed.

“Nevermind.” You hastily turn and push open the door to your apartment complex, ignoring Kim calling after you. You go up the stairwell to your third floor apartment on autopilot and only take a breath when the door shuts behind you. Ahead of you lies your dim and threadbare living room, empty as usual.

“Fuck.” You fish a packet of smokes out of your pocket, quickly lighting one with a trembling hand. “I’m a disaster.”

DRAMA - Certainly not your best showing. 

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - Cut him some slack—you’re clearly having a panic attack.

“That doesn’t help.” You collapse onto your couch and drag your hand over your face. You wish you had a drink, but you don’t keep alcohol in the apartment anymore. Your heart is still racing.

PAIN THRESHOLD [Easy: Failure] - It feels like you’re dying. 

VOLITION [Formidable: Success] - You need to get your shit together. Take some deep breaths. You’re blowing this situation out of proportion. 

Logically, you know that’s true. You didn’t even say anything incriminating to Kim. But that’s part of the problem, isn’t it—you’re stuck on this. You either have to say something or get over it. 

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] - You’re not getting over it any time soon. You’re not built to ‘get over things.’ 

Shut up, you think vehemently. You take a deep, shuddering breath and close your eyes. It’s ok, things are still fine. Things are salvageable. You’re just having a particularly bad day. You’re practicing—what did your therapist call it— _cognitive restructuring._ Things with Kim are still fine.

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - Kim said you were friends. That has to count for something.

You take another breath and feel marginally better. Right, he did. It felt significant too— at least to you. You think about it often.

“It’s fine,” you say out loud yourself. “It’s fine, we’re fine, things are really really fine—”

There’s a knock at your door.

  
  


**[+ ONE]**

You freeze.

You have no clue who it could be- the neighbors tend to avoid you due to your history of simultaneously indulging in heavy drinking and disco well past midnight. Probably a salesperson then. If you ignore it they’ll go away. 

After a moment there’s another knock. You burrow further into the couch with a scowl. Can’t you catch a break today? You’re not in the mood to be pitched on a new kind of vacuum. 

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Medium: Success] - No, wait. Listen, you can hear a voice faintly through the door.

“Harry? I know you’re in there.” It’s Kim. Right now, you’re not sure if that’s better or worse than a persistent salesperson. Your nails dig into your palms—a nervous gesture.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Trivial: Success] - Not ‘detective’ or ‘officer’—this is still a personal visit.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Challenging: Success] - The lieutenant followed you up here after a few minutes of internal debate. Now he stands outside your door, one gloved hand raised in preparation for a third knock. I hope I made the right choice, he thinks. 

DRAMA [Easy: Success] - You could keep pretending no one is home. He has no actual way of knowing if you stayed here or not. 

HALF LIGHT [Medium: Failure] - You _should_ have run off, clearly. Now you’re cornered.

You hesitate, unsure of what to do. Why is Kim even here?

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] - He’s worried. He’s checking up on you.

VOLITION [Challenging: Success] - Don’t start panicking again. He’s not here because he’s upset with you. Talk to him like a functioning adult.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] - You owe it to your partner. 

Yeah, but you also just embarrassed yourself in front of Kim. You were hoping you would just both silently agree to pretend it never happened. 

AUTHORITY [Medium: Success] - You constantly make a fool out of yourself in front of Lieutenant Kitsuragi. Why are you only worried about this now? At least be consistent. 

Well. That’s true. Slowly, you get off the couch, your bones groaning in protest.

COMPOSURE [Challenging: Success] - You got this. Be cool. You definitely weren’t in the middle of a panic attack or anything. 

There’s a third knock.

“Yes, hold on, give me a second.” You make your way to the door, stepping over a few scattered pairs of shoes and a stack of newspapers near the entrance. Shit, you didn’t even get a chance to try and tidy up.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Success] - Your living space is certainly cluttered, but it no longer resembles an experimental exhibition piece about the depths of man’s depravity. It rates a solid ‘not bad’ in terms of livability. 

You take a deep breath to steel yourself before you turn the doorknob and once again come face-to-face with Kim. He’s standing politely with his hands behind his back but his posture is open and at ease—he’s here as a friend, not a coworker. 

VOLITION [Medium: Success] - Was that so hard to do? Keep going. 

You stand there awkwardly, your hand still gripping the door handle. You’re not sure what to say—which is why you more or less ran away in the first place. 

“Harry,” Kim greets you, taking the initiative, “May I come in? If you want.”

RHETORIC [Easy: Success] - He’s leaving you room to decline.

One part of you wants to, but another part of you is curious about his motivations. As usual, your curiosity ultimately wins out over your shame.

“Yeah, uh, sure.” You step aside to let him into your entryway. “Just, you can go sit on the couch. Or anything. Um, I mean—if you’re going to be here long. Or we could just stand here.”

AUTHORITY [Medium: Success] - Stop blabbering. 

Your mouth snaps shut. 

“No, no, the couch is fine,” Kim reassures you, brushing past you towards your tiny living area. The coffee table is piled with books and pens and an empty mug but is otherwise presentable. You let out a little sigh of relief at that. At least you put your laundry away recently.

Kim sits down on the couch and you follow him slowly, seating yourself at the other end. Better to keep a healthy amount of space between you and Kim so you don’t do anything stupid. You look down at your clenched hands, still too jittery for direct eye contact.

“I hope you don’t mind me coming up.” Kim once again breaks the silence first. “I was just…” He stops to consider his phrasing. “I wanted to make sure you’re feeling alright. I feel partly responsible.”

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - It’s not pity—he’s just wondering how he can help. The respect and sympathy of a friend.

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - The force of it is nearly blinding, like looking at the sun. Oh man, you’re not used to this.

“I’m fine… I mean, I could be better, but that’s nothing new.” You wince a little. Ok, maybe don’t start so heavy on the self-depreciation. “Um, I mean to say, I guess I’ve been a little on edge lately. Sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologize. It happens to all of us.”

SAVOIR FAIRE [Medium: Failure] - There’s no way Kim would ever be as uncool about it as you are. He handles his problems with _style._ Probably. 

You shift awkwardly in your seat. You really are touched that Kim is here, and you want to give him an explanation for his trouble. But you’re not sure how to talk about what’s bothering you. Failing to talk to Kim is sort of central to your whole freakout situation at the moment. What are you going to say? ‘Well Kim, I ran off because I’m a complete disaster who can’t even manage to ask you on a date after trying for weeks—actual weeks!—and our friendship is incredibly important to me so I don’t want to fuck that up’? Yeah, better to keep it vague.

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - Kim might leave if you’re too honest. People leave so easily. 

“I’ve just been... distracted. Hung up on something stupid, it’s nothing—” You heave out a sigh. “Actually, don’t worry about it. I’ll be super fine in like, a week tops. My shit will be super together.”

DRAMA [Medium: Failure] - That was an extremely unconvincing lie, sire. 

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] - You won’t be fine. Your mind is stuck on this like a broken record. 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - You’re not curbing this craving, baby.

Thanks, guys. Super helpful. 

On the other end of the couch, there’s a rustling noise. You look up to see Kim pulling out his packet of Astras.

“May I?” he asks, holding up a cigarette.

“Sure.”

He lights up his cigarette and takes a drag. He tilts his head to look at you through the haze of the smoke as he breathes out. 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Medium: Success] - Steeling himself for something with the cigarette. He’s wasting his one-a-day on you.

EMPATHY [Challenging: Failure] - Steeling himself for what? 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - How the hell would I know! He does look super cool right now, though. Just so you know.

“I have noticed you’ve been acting a bit strange the past couple of weeks,” Kim begins. “Well, stranger than you usually are.” He smiles a little at that.

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - He’s quite fond of your quirks by now. Most of them. 

“I was going to let you… work through that distraction yourself. On your own time.” He takes another drag. “But I’m thinking now that my own insight may help.”

RHETORIC [Challenging: Failure] - He’s setting up some kind of play. He has cards in his hand we didn’t even know about. What’s his angle here?

EMPATHY [Challenging: Failure] - It’s hard to get a read on him right now.

HALF LIGHT [Medium: Success] - It makes you nervous.

“Yeah…?” you venture. Your eyes dart to the door. 

COMPOSURE [Challenging: Success] - Stay where you are. We are not fleeing our _own_ apartment. 

“Yes.” The lieutenant turns to face you, drawing one knee up to his chest to sit sideways on the couch. “I think perhaps you’re overthinking things.”

“Well, I’ve certainly never been accused of that,” you joke, but you’re having trouble swallowing down the lump in your throat. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Challenging: Success] - The cadence of his voice—he is slipping into detective mode. He is preparing to lay out the facts of the case, neat and orderly.

VISUAL CALCULUS [Medium: Success] - And to make a deduction. 

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] - He’s confident about his conclusion.

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Failure] - But are we going to like it?

“Harry,” Kim starts gently, “I know there’s something you wanted to talk about—with me.”

HALF LIGHT [Medium: Success] - A jolt of fear goes up your spine. Oh, no…

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - He already knows?

HALF LIGHT - LEAVE RIGHT NOW.

INLAND EMPIRE [Challenging: Failure] - His voice. His posture. How he is handling you like a delicate porcelain cup. He’s going to deliver bad news.

Your pulse picks up again but you feel trapped under Kim’s gaze. What is he going to say? Is he going to reject you, ask you to leave, cut off contact before you could even _ask_ him? Oh, your stomach feels queasy...

PAIN THRESHOLD [Medium: Failure] - You can’t possibly bear to hear what he’s going to say. You should leave now. 

DRAMA [Challenging: Success] - You could just fake having amnesia again. You have a lot of practice with that. Just say—what last two weeks! You’re mistaking me for someone else! It could be fun.

EMPATHY [Formidable: Success] - You know Kim. Whatever he has to say, he won’t be cruel about it. 

VOLITION [Legendary: Success] - Kim is your friend, and you are trying to be a mostly functional adult man. We are _not_ running from a conversation. Stay still. Listen to him. 

Outside of the cacophony of voices in your mind, Kim leans forward ever so slightly. He exhales, the smoke swirling around you and passing through your own lips as you breathe in.

You’re pinned by the weight of his attention. 

“It seems like luck was not on our side, however,” Kim continues, pressing onwards. He’s smiling now, in his usual subdued manner. What does that smile mean? You’re sweating through your shirt. “Something kept interrupting this conversation. Like that fucking bacon.” He laughs a little, just a brief exhale of air. “You kept working yourself up to say something, though. And you weren’t subtle at all with all the staring.”

HALF LIGHT - He’s still getting closer!! WHY AREN’T YOU RUNNING.

PAIN THRESHOLD [Medium: Failure] - Oh, he’s going to cut down all your hopes and dreams. I don’t think you can handle the blow. 

VOLITION [Challenging: Success] - We need to hear him out. It’s better to know where you both stand. You can cry again afterwards. 

LOGIC [Formidable: Success] - Hey, you lot, is _anyone_ listening to me? If you stopped to think about this for a second, it’s obvious— 

“So, I’m taking that as a sign that I should just say something myself.” Kim does a little half shrug, as if to say ‘ _fuck it, why not.’_ “Do you want to go on a date? I’m free this weekend.”

LOGIC - —That Kim is going to ask _you_ out first. 

REACTION SPEED [Easy: Failure] - Huh?

EMPATHY [Easy: Failure] - Wait…

DRAMA [Easy: Failure] - What did he...

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Easy: Failure] - Did we hear that wrong?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - Woah, for REAL? SCORE.

Some kind of confused and questioning nonsense noise leaves your throat. Your brain is trying to reboot.

Across from you, Kim sits patiently. He takes another drag.

“What?” you finally manage to croak out.

“Would you like to go on a date?” Kim repeats. His mouth has a mischievous slant to it. “That’s what you wanted to ask me, right?”

“Yes,” you say, responding on autopilot. You’re desperately working to recontextualize the events of the past ten minutes. 

LOGIC [Challenging: Success] - Oh, please. Connect the dots. He knew what you wanted to ask, he wasn’t angry about it, he was actually worried on your behalf, and he wanted to say his own piece- it’s really very simple.

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - It seems your feelings are… reciprocated?

“Hold on, wait, no, I’m confused. You—” You point your finger at Kim “—want to go on a date with me?” You jerk your finger back at yourself.

“Yes, that is what I’m offering.”

You slump dramatically against the back of the couch. “Ok. Wow, I, uh—I wasn’t expecting that. Not really.”

Kim raises an eyebrow. “So you were expecting me to say no?” He sounds a little incredulous.

“Well, no, I mean— sort of. I wasn’t thinking much about, you know, the second step. Until today. Then I kind of panicked.” You peek at him. “I mean... why would you say yes?” You leave the ‘why would you be interested’ unsaid.

Kim’s laughs in disbelief. “Harry, really… I let you cook me dinner _in_ my apartment. Not to mention all the other times we’ve grabbed a meal together, or even when we played that awful candy-themed board game.” He puts his cigarette out in your ashtray and moves closer. The no-man’s-land of the middle couch cushion is being rapidly invaded. “I thought I was being rather obvious.”

EMPATHY - Obvious? In what world?

“I thought we were just really good friends. I mean, I didn’t really … _realize_ until a few weeks ago. Personally.” Your confession trails off— fuck, Kim keeps inching closer. The arm of the couch presses against your back, blocking you in. 

Kim blinks at you once, twice, and then he breaks out into actual real laughter. He covers his mouth, his shoulders shaking with the effort to keep it in. He’s not very successful. You watch, amazed. You’ve never seen him laugh so clearly and freely—it makes him look younger. It’s adorable. But still—

“What??” you ask, feeling like the butt of a joke you didn’t know existed.

“I’m sorry—sorry,” Kim says, and gathers himself. “It’s just— I can’t believe you had no clue. Didn’t you solve this back in Martinaise? With that thought project of yours?”

“Well, I… I didn’t actually come to a conclusion. For me.”

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - You could have asked me anytime! We like it all, baby.

Kim shakes his head in disbelief but he’s still grinning. “You certainly do give off a very… intense hetero-sexual hypermasculine impression. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised you were still working through that.”

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - He’s teasing you.

Your face flushes with heat. “Ok, sure, maybe I should have realized sooner. But—you weren’t obvious at all!”

“Maybe not. Like I said before—I’m usually a private person.” Kim sighs, his demeanor shifting back into something more serious. “I don’t share things with people easily. I thought it was clear. That I shared my time with you because I enjoy your company. In many ways.”

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] - He feels awkward, voicing his emotions so plainly. He’s entrusting you with this- be careful with it.

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - The lieutenant lets his mask of professionalism slip more freely when you’re around. 

“Oh…” you say, the gravity of the moment suddenly weighing on you. “Thank you. I mean, you know I dig you, obviously. Who wouldn’t! You’re definitely the coolest person I know. And you’re fun to hang out with. And great to work with. So.” Internally, you wince. That was way less eloquent than you hoped. 

Kim doesn’t seem to mind, though. He takes in your rambling train of thought easily, as usual. “Then we’re on the same page.”

“Yes…” you say slowly, letting this realization _really_ sink in. “Wow. We are?”

“It seems like it,” Kim replies, amused. “So, what’s your answer?”

REACTION SPEED [Easy: Failure] - You’re not sure what he’s referring to.

“Answer to what?”

“Do you want to go on a date with me this weekend?” Kim asks again, and suddenly he is very close. The distance between you has closed to a few mere inches. You are feeling a lot of things all at once. 

“Yeah,” you exhale. “I would really like that.”

And for once, nothing interrupts you.

**Author's Note:**

> what does the date actually end up being? who knows! i, much like harry, did not think that far ahead. 
> 
> HUGE thanks to liz for beta-ing for me and also just encouraging me to actually write this in the first place!!! i normally wouldn't share fic but i think the people deserve some Content.
> 
> (also, as an aside, i had kim jung mi's album 'now' playing while writing the kitchen radio scene... i was thinking of the song haenim in particular. it's a great album great vibe i really recommend)
> 
> thank you for reading!!!


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